Isolated loss - (Extended)

Statement:

This is a story that has its beginning at the very end; a funeral. My grandfather’s funeral to be exact. He was 84 and I was prepared for this day. But he did not die of natural causes or in a time of normalcy. He died from a hospital mistake, made during a small routine operation at a big Norwegian hospital. The operation occurred, only two days before all national hospitals postponed or cancelled all non-life threatening medicine, due to the COVID-19 outbreak. His body fought sepsis for 11 days, before his organs gave in. The hospital where a ghost town at that point.

On his death day, I was in quarantine 8 hours away from my home town. Confined to my home because of an business trip to Spain a week prior. Will I even be able to come to the funeral? 8 more days of physical confinement. All planning occurred over the phone, no face to face contact. Physical distance, even in grief. They decided on a casket burial, since his COVID-19 test came back negative in the end, they had that choice. The funeral was set to the 1^st of April, without any gathering after the church funereal. This was two days after my quarantine was over. I felt a wave of relief. I was lucky, this was more than one could hope for in the year of Corona.

On the train station in my hometown, Grandma greeted me. Between us were a big loss and two meters of social distance. No hugs, no physical contact. We sat quietly in the house on the mountain, with the big window, overlooking the fjord - “I dread tomorrow” my grandmother suddenly expressed. Rubbing her face, trying to hide her tears. Most signs of my grandfather were cleaned out of the house. The only traces I could see, was his soap in the shower and the fake rubber “Crockes” he used to wear in the garden. My grandmother had tidied him out of the house, as part of her grief proses. The only part that stood intact, was the tool-shed by the front door.While we were waiting, the churchwarden explained the COVID-19 restrictions in the church; only three people in every other church bench, maximum 50 in attendance and anti-bacterial in the entrance. My grandmother, in her dark sunglasses, greeted everyone by holding her gloved hand over her heart. – “I wish I could hug you all, but I will do this”.

: Grandma in the window, ironing our clothing for the funeral. She started preparing two nights before the funeral, she later confessed it was she did it because she dreaded the funeral since the day grandpa died.

: Fake rubber “Crocks” on the glass balcony was one of the few physical signs of my Grandpa still left in the house. One week after his death, Grandma had cleaned him out, as part of her grieving proses.

: My Grandma expressed that she felt so uncomfortable with all the attention and flowers she received after Grandpas death. I tried to console her with the fact that he was a well-liked man and that people in the neighborhood loved him. She pointed out that, maybe this where peoples’ way of caring, when they couldn’t come to visit because of COVID-19.

: Grandma greeted the churchwarden when we arrived at the funeral. She used the hand over heart greeting and got frozen in this moment, while she listed to the churchwarden explain the COVID-19 contamination limitations in the church.

: The churchwarden leads my Grandma and Aunt into the church, while Uncle lingers outside.

: The memorial programs with my Grandpas picture on it, where spread out on every other church bench and placed two meters apart. To signalize where people could be seated during the funeral.

: While waiting for the church bells to chime in the start of the funeral, the pianist plays calming tunes and the small gathering sit in silence. Few people showed up for my Grandpas funeral, even if he were a liked man in the community, people were scared and stayed home.

: Grandpas memorial picture is placed on a small table at the entrance of the church. Beside it a full bottle of anti-bacterial gel.

: Mom and Grandma stand in from of the priest and casket at my Grandpas final resting place. The priest throws soil on the casket and walked back to the church. Normally, we would have lowered him into the grave, but because of the COVID-19 restriction, we were not allowed to touch the ropes used to do that and had to leave him on top of the unfinished grave.

: Before walking away, the priest makes the cross sign in the air as a mark of the end of the funeral.

: Grandma asked us all to go ahead so she could get a few minutes alone. She said her goodbyes by the unfinished grave and later confessed that she was glad the casket was not lowered in to the grave. That was the moment she had dreaded the most.

: Auntie comforts Grandma at the end of the funeral. We made a joke that my Grandpa always used to tell about my Grandmas thin legs and everyone started laughing and crying, all at once.

: The memorial picture of Grandpa got taken home and placed on top of the glass cabinet in the living room. It is placed so my Grandma always can see it.

: Grandma expressed that she felt so uncomfortable with all the attention and flowers she received after Grandpas death. I tried to console her with the fact that he was a well-liked man and that people in the neighborhood loved him. She pointed out that, maybe this where peoples’ way of caring, when they couldn’t come to visit because of COVID-19.

: Grandma kept busy in the days after the funeral, she cleaned a lot. She did not say it to my face, but I think she was a bit worried because I were staying in her house, since I traveled there by plane.

: Grandma walking down the hallway one the morning after the funeral. She struggled with sleep every night.

: Together we are eating omelet for lunch one day after the funeral. She has never been a big eater, but after my Grandads death she skipped meals every day. I started cooking and helping her in the kitchen, it helped her eat more. I dreaded the day I had to leave, because I knew she would start skipping meals again.

: Grandma at the kitchen table after the omelet, we were talking about me leaving to go back home and she openly expressed she dreaded living alone in the big house.

: In their bedroom, there is remanence of my Grandfather. Grandma makes up her bed every morning and have not had the heart to remove the pillow and duvet from his bed.

: An earlier portrait of my Grandmother from a mountain trip we made last autumn.

: A spread from my Grandmothers weekly magazine “Hjemmet” (The Home) lies on the living room table. The pictures are of the Norwegian king and the text reads: Everything for Norway. My Grandmother is very fond of the Norwegian monarchy.

: Grandma takes a nap after dinner. As long as I can remember, both her and Granddad had this after dinner nap.

: Grandma is taking in towels from the cloths line in the mountain garden.

: The only place in the house were one could see remnants of my Grandfather was his toolshed by the entrance door. It stood as a mausoleum of his life. He collected and saved everything he found and replaced and fixed whatever he could.

: Grandad collected and saved all kinds of things in his toolshed. Like this collection of skis. From the older wooden version from his youth to the more modern plastic once I grew up with.

: My Grandma expressed that she felt so uncomfortable with all the attention and flowers she received after Grandpas death. I tried to console her with the fact that he was a well-liked man and that people in the neighborhood loved him. She pointed out that, maybe this where peoples’ way of caring, when they couldn’t come to visit because of COVID-19.

: Grandma takes a nap after dinner. As long as I can remember, both her and Granddad had this after dinner nap.

: Grandma had a hard time deciding on what to wear for the funeral. She started looking at the dresses and trying to figure it out three days before the funeral.

: A pair of jeans hang to dry in the sunset in the mountain garden.

: Grandma standing in the kitchen baking a carrot cake, when she shows how she wants to great people at the funeral.

: Grandma in in the kitchen baking a carrot cake.

: My hometown were my Grandparents lived and spent most of their adult life. The small Norwegian town is surviving on the Norwegian aluminum business. My Grandfather worked in the factory until his retirement.

: Grandma sits on the glass balcony with a cup of tea, inscribed with the word “Bestefar” which means Granddad in Norwegian. She talks about the 11 days they spent in the hospital before Grandad died of organ failure after a hospital mistake.

: “The Crying Boy” by the Italian painter Giovanni Bragolin hang in the hallway of Grandmas house. A common sight in some Norwegian homes.

: Grandma meets neighbors on a walk one afternoon. The obituary was printed in the local paper a couple of days prior and she explains what happened to the ladies who “Just saw him” walking the neighborhood.

: Grandma meets an acquaintance on a walk one afternoon. The obituary was printed in the local paper a couple of days prior and she explains what happened to the lady who “Just saw him” walking the neighborhood.

: Grandma using hand sanitizer on her way into the grocery store.

: Grandma gets an emotional reaction while talking about the 11 days they spent in the hospital before Grandad died of organ failure after a hospital mistake.

: The basement living room is a usual feature in elder Norwegians houses. This part of Grandmas house has remnants of older times as well as toys and things too nice to throw away.

: My Grandparents wedding photo sits on a shelf in the basement living room.

: Grandma walks in the driveway of their house with the cat following. She is glad she has the cat now, even though it’s an angry one.

: While helping Grandma dress for the funeral her tattoos comes into view. For her 80th birthday she hinted a tattoo was on her bucket list. The Grandchildren got together and gave her one as a gift, she chose the butterflies she loves most.

: Readily dressed two hours before the funeral, Grandma sits in the chair Grandad usually sat in.

: Grandma greets her brother in the church before the funeral starts. He drove two hours to be there and wished he could hug his sister.

: The memorial programs with Grandpas picture on it, where spread out on every other church bench and placed two meters apart. To signalize where people could be seated during the funeral.

: The priest leads the small gathering, wheeling Grandfathers casket through the graveyard to his final resting place.

: Grandchildren and other close family members lift Grandfathers casket of the wheeled coffin stretcher before placing it on top of his grave.

: In front of the graveyard, Grandma holds Grandads memorial picture in silence after the funeral ended.

: Grandma stand in line for the pharmacy.

: Grandma using hand sanitizer on her way into the grocery store.

: Throwing away used light bulbs at the store, Grandma explains later that Grandpa used to be in charge these kinds of thing and that now she had to learn to do them herself.

: Grandma is paying for groceries in front of the COVID-19 protection glass.

: Laughing while she is taking another skirt of hand sanitizer at the pharmacy, Grandma says – “I am a bit silly, but I will take some more”.

: Grandma kept busy in the days after the funeral, she cleaned a lot. She did not say it to my face, but I think she was a bit worried about me staying in her house, since I traveled there by plane.

: In her sowing room, Grandma is fixing a shopping net. She was sad that her Bunad course (Bunad is the traditional Norwegian dress) was cancelled due to the COVID-19 outbreak. She only had two sessions left to finish my Aunts new Bunad.

: Grandma keeps in touch with family and friends through her phone. She is tired from answering all messages about Grandads death, but enjoys talking on the phone with her sister.

: Grandma at the kitchen table after the omelet, we were talking about me leaving to go back home and she openly expressed she dreaded living alone in the big house.

: In the kitchen, Grandma is contemplating if the way Grandpa died makes her feel bitter.

: A long elevator ride takes us down to the city center, to visit my Aunt and Uncle.

: It took five days after the funeral, before Grandma could muster the courage to visit Grandpas grave. The casket was lowered down an hour after the funeral ended and the wooden cross placed there as a substitute while the gravestone were being made. She felt uncomfortable that all the flowers were brown and dying.